The other day, I took a walk with a friend. I don’t get together with Dee as much as I did when our children were younger, so we chatted happily, catching up on family news. Back at her house, I sat at her kitchen table for a few minutes, drinking a glass of water and trying to ignore my throbbing headache. I began to consider cutting our visit short.
Before I could make up my mind to leave, Dee realized I had a headache and began doing whatever she could to bring me some relief: she dosed me with pain reliever, put on a pot of coffee for a caffeine cure, and asked me if I had eaten anything recently. I hadn’t eaten breakfast, so she whisked two pieces of bread into the toaster, providing butter and jam for my delectation. (As a person who eats gluten free, it was a rare treat to be plied with gluten-free toast!)
As I nibbled my toast and sipped my coffee, my headache started to dissipate. Furthermore, tears came to my eyes as I realized that it had been a long time since someone made a big fuss over me in a motherly way. I felt special and I felt better.
Women, even if they don’t have children, tend to mother others…it is beautiful, it is in accord with our nature, and it is life-giving. But sometimes we moms need someone to nurture and support us in a way that only a mother can.
When it comes to spiritual realities, the same principle comes into play. We moms, as we try to follow Christ, and try to be willing servants especially to our husbands and children, get spiritually worn-out. This is especially true for mothers who are still in the process of raising children. You need spiritual mothers, both on earth and mother figures who are already in heaven, who will pray for you and help you access the loving energy that God is always willing to give us through the power of the Holy Spirit.
“Are You My Mother?”
So who can mothers turn to for motherly help and guidance? First, we turn to our Blessed Mother. God Himself has given her a unique role to play in all of history and has made her the mother of all of those “who keep the commandments of God and bear testimony to Jesus.” Her children, similar to our own offspring, can be selfish, unruly, and fractious. Our Blessed Mother gets us. I recently listened to a testimony of William Waters, a seminarian, who said, “When you give [our Blessed Mother] a little bit, like a good mom, she pretends that you are even more generous…than perhaps you intended to be.” This is so true. She takes whatever we have to offer and makes the most of it for our well-being and happiness and for the glory of God.
We moms should also remember that there are other saintly women in heaven who will accompany us and intercede for us if we turn to them for help. In high school, I rather carelessly chose “Elizabeth” as my confirmation name, not understanding the concept of a “patron saint.” At that point in my life, I did even understand the vital role the saints could play in our lives. Thankfully, as an adult, I began to realize how much help we could receive from our brothers and sisters who are already in the presence of the Lord and who are rooting for us.
When my husband and I moved our young family to the state of Maryland, St. Elizabeth Anne Seton (often called “Mother” Seton) appeared on my radar for the first time—after all her shrine was less than two hours away. I started thinking of her as my patron saint. Imagine my surprise when I eventually realized how much we shared in common. Like her, I was a New Yorker who had moved to Maryland; like her, I had five children; like her, I was an educator. Strictly speaking, I was not a convert to the Catholic faith as Mother Seton was, but I had been highly influenced by non-denominational Christianity as a young person and didn’t discover the wealth of my Catholic faith until I was in college. I claimed Elizabeth Anne Seton as a spiritual mother, and she has been with me ever since. I believe my daughter, as a baby, was healed through her maternal intercession.
“Reach Out and Touch Someone”
When it comes to spiritual help, our friends in heaven are invaluable, but so are the mother-figures we can see, hear, and touch—someone who has our best interest in mind, loves us, and supports us. Someone who, through her example, her counsel, and by her prayer, can help us understand what it means to be a woman of God. Older women may love the idea of mentoring or mothering you, but don’t want to be intrusive or impinge on your family life, so getting together with a relative or cultivating relationships with women at your parish may need to originate with “busy mom.”
Even if you initiate this kind of mentoring relationship by merely asking an older woman (perhaps even someone who is homebound) for prayer support, it opens the door mutual blessings. The next time you are juggling a sick baby, a science fair project, and a ballet recital, send out a quick text and receive the grace of your new friends prayers. Even a simple initiative can form the foundation for a deeper relationship over time. Scripture contains many references to the older women helping the younger generation. In the book of Titus, St. Paul instructs the older women to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, chaste, domestic, kind, and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be discredited.” Younger moms help older women fulfill that mandate by inviting them into their lives.
Although it doesn’t have the same value as a flesh and blood person, there are myriad online communities and organizations for Catholic mothers to tap into, such as catholicmom.com and catholicallyear.com. There are other groups that connect women with spiritual directors or offer mentoring programs such as Mary and Elizbeth House and Blessed is She. There is also support available for Moms through programs designed for Catholic families, such as Ablaze Ministries and Messy Family Project.
Especially if you are in the midst of raising a number of children, perhaps even homeschooling or working on the side, your time is precious, your resources limited, your legs unshaven. This is the reality to which you have become accustomed. You may even feel that you are constantly on the verge of tears or at least on the verge of familial implosion. You are not alone. Don’t neglect taking the time necessary to find Godly women to support you. Practical aid is often needed, but authentic spiritual support can be the most practical help of all and is often the first thing to go by the way-side when we are feeling overwhelmed. Open your heart and your life to the older women that God puts in your path, both the saints and let yourself be mothered.
Also published at spiritualdirection.com